Get a date get a date

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Get a date if you can. If you can't get a date, get online.
That's what they'd said to her - the other ladies at the bowl's club. Evidently, Sheryl had a coffee date every second week coz of an incredible positive response to her online dating profile. Geraldine thought it must have been an incredibly well written profile, perhaps skittled with porky-pies, but nonetheless, Geraldine thought she would like to get amongst this action. Not with Sheryl, but with the men she saw for coffee. Or other men. And not necessarily coffee.
"It's been a while Kez," she said to her friend as she sat down at her PC with high speed connectivity. "It's been a long bloody while but I'm ready to get back in the game"
"Shit yeah Geraldine - you've been nursing an injury for a coupla seasons but I'm feeling like this is gonna be a hot return."
"Yep. Just like riding a horse... Oright oright - What's my name gonna be? Should I be anonymous or shall just let it all hang out? First and last, you know? I've got nothing to be ashamed of, am I right? Ain't gonna meet the sorta fella I'm lookin' for at the Slippery Mermaid on a Saturday night am I? Not any fella I'd remember anyway, ay? Right, now I best be honest - as honest as possible - but I will be in the market for a competitive profile since there are over 600 young singles joining every week, so let's take some glamour shots of me shall we? I'd rather be a little scantily clad - just a bit of a teaser, ya know, just to git em in. Then we'll get to know each other."
"Sure, Geraldine. That sounds fair. Way to a man's heart is through his member as they say." Kez was rational and she was a very good friend and she already had herself a man so she was pretty keen to get Geraldine hooked up with a fella so they might double date and have a plethora of adventures as a pair of couples.
When they had secured that 'just right' profile shot they set to work on filling out the deets.
"Right, now for the deets," Geraldine said. "I'm certainly what one might call a traveller - memba when I went to Queensland, Kez? That is a remarkable culture might I say to you, just quietly. A remarkable culture. They even have their own language - some say it's an accent but, I don't know what the definition of language is but theirs is unusual to say the very least. A friendly people."
"P'rhaps you should mention your skills in the culinary sector, Geraldine?"
"You're right Kez, you're right. Gaz used to love my nuggets with home made barbecue sauce. I swear to God, Kez, I shoulda copyrighted that recipe."
"Water under the moat, Geraldine - 'memba, you've gotta learn to let that go. Heinz is a very powerful company and you mustn't start something you can't afford to finish."
"I know I know, right I'm breathing I'm breathing I'm breathing.... Right. Over it. Now, how tall should he be? My prince charming?"
"Tall enough to wrap his strong arms around you, but not so tall that you can't kiss him good night."
"You're right - you've hit the nail on the proverbial head.... Hey, Kez...."
"Yes mate?"
"What happens if I'm filling out boxes and unbeknownst to me, I'm rulin' out the love of my life? What if the man I want to marry is a very short man? I could live with it, if he came wrapped in the right package - who am I to deny him before I've even viewed his profile page?"
"You make a good point. That's wisdom from you. Why don't you leave them boxes all blank then, take applications from all suitors."
"Yeah. Think I might..."
Three days later, Geraldine was on the phone to Kez with some very big news.
"I got a letter of interest - He's name is Bill23 - but his 26, Kez! How you think this shit's working out for him ay? He's a bit of a wine buff. Likes a drop a red, he reckons. I like red.
His first picture's pretty hot - tall, blonde, blue eyes... Bit scruffy, just how I like, ya know. Bit of a diamond in the scruff ay. His second picture, well, it's his dog. A tough lookin' beast, so you know I'd be secured if I stayed at his. He likes the same TV shows as me - that's fairly vital, Kez. Don't wanna be fightin' over the remote all the time... And he's an avid reader, loves a good bibliography it says here... wonder if he means biography? Nevertheless, seems like he's together, got a good head on his shoulders, both visually and internally if you were to ask me. Ohhh Kez, how should I reply? P'rhaps I'll send him one of those "I'd like to know more about you" coy responses? So as not to seem too mustard. Or, ya know, sheets to the wind I could just go ahead and say "Loved your letter, looking forward to further contact"?"
"Myyyyy mate," Kez was beaming, clucking her tongue and feeling a small giggle bubble rise in her throat. "Haven't heard you speak like this for years, Geraldine! I can't help but think that this is the beginning of something magical."
And it proved to be more magical than Hogwarts, that online dating relationship. After trading amusing and enlightening banter back and forth for two weeks, Bill and Geraldine met up. They fell in love and got married three months later. They had four little kiddies and never once argued over the remote.