Adam of England

There was once a man named Adam. And he was the finest story teller in all the land of England. So the children came from miles around to listen to him speak.

Adam was an interesting teller. An unwitting genius, he was captivating and modest, humble, and oblivious to the marvel he created- Adam told his stories in his sleep.

In lieu of snores, he spoke of the evils of lentil beans and the pathetic lives of panda's, he told tales of swinging ducks, spring cleaning oompa loompa's, and he melded marvellous musings about the magic of a hairy vagina.

Quite quickly, and much to their children's dismay, the parents of the youths who had travelled from across the land followed with wooden spoons and censored Adam's stories so that they might not be enjoyed by any person under 18 years. It was truly a shame, for they had travelled far and their ears were hungry, and there was much that they could learn from sleeping Adam.

He knew a bit, it was sure, about the ways of the world.

But, these censoring parents did not let Adam's stories lay wasted by his bedside. They too travelled, from near and far, on and offline, to listen to him speak. They giggled at the light in his words, the truth in his utterance and the poetry of his uncensored babble. They recorded his stories and spoke his words and, quite soon, they wore t-shirts in his honour.

This, this was Adam. The first son of sleeptalk.

Adam became a god, of sorts. His words were spoke in every land, outside of England and beyond.

"How are ya mate?" A person might ask, in the usual way.
"I am awe-some. Deal with it fucker!" Became their response.
For Adam had said it, and it was so.

Finally- partners had words to describe a visit from a mother in law, the layman learned the art of pillow baking, and the words "butter...nut... squash" would replace Prozac and Zoloft forevermore.

Adam gave the people a voice. His words touched them in ways that they hadn't previously known they would like to be touched. Adam made prudes giggle at the 'C' word and he made vegetarians turn towards pork chops. He let the people rest, knowing that everybody dreams of a cock hunt now and again...

And, in waking, Adam discovered that the story of an attentive wife might be the most worthwhile tale of all.

*All good quotes the rightful property of the mouth of Adam, http://www.sleeptalkinman.com/