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Rock Hard was Nathan’s new single. He wrote it to celebrate becoming newly single. It was a tribute also, to his rock hard ab’s. He didn’t always have rock hard ab’s. Nathan used to have something on his tummy more likely mistaken for a wavepool than a stone. But if he was going to be a rockstar, he reckoned his body was his job and everything about him needed to emulate rock. So Nathan had stopped eating about a year ago.
Nathan’s mother was perplexed. “Never had a boy I couldn’t feed,” She said, clucking her tongue and looking around at her large brood of up-sized young men.
“Yeah mum,” Nathan pushed his fish fingers around on his plate. “But you never had a rockstar neither.”
“I don’t know how to talk to this boy,” Nathan’s mum turned to her husband for support. He shrugged.
“I don’t know how to talk to you mum. Not in a way that you can hear me. I communicate through my music. Just listen, and maybe consider rocking out every now and then so we can be on the same level. And mum, I’ve asked before and I’ll ask again- could you please get some fresh lemons so I can have my lemon water in the morning. It’s an urgent kind of necessary pertaining to my metabolism.”
Later, Nath’ went back to rehearsing in his bedroom studio.
“KCOR! It’s rock spelled backwards yeah!
KCOR It’s gonna rock you to it!
KCOR It’s harder than dodgeball
KCOR More real than Demi Moore! Or maybe not, or maybe yeaah!”
He professionally finished the length of his final note but he had been distracted, mid-verse by the girl in the window of the room opposite in the house next to his.
“What, girl?” He pushed his window up to talk to her.
“What up, boi?” She was clearly hip-hop. His most despised musical genre.
“You’re in my head space, girl. I’m gonna need you out of it so I can continue to Rock!”
“You’re messin’ wit my flow, boy, how’m I gunna drop phat beats with that noise in my street? Uh, uh, check it, one, two.”
“What was that? What was that? A mike check?”
“That just somethin’ I be doin’ son. Word.”
“You’re white.”
“And you’re a pansy rock wannabe, what? Oooh No she di’n’t!”
“Alright, burn noted. Now, close your window- I’m ready to rock! You’ve helped to reignite the flame of my rock passion and for that, and only that, I thank you. Good night.”
“Pffft. Peace, dawg. And if you drivin’, drive slow homey.”
Later that night, through some freaky freak of nature (that might have been caused by an overheated rock speaker in an upstairs bedroom) Nathan’s home was burned down.
Miraculously, the next door house was untouched by the flames and, because they were a nosy and religious lot, his neighbours took Nathan’s family in and offered them warmth and shelter until they found somewhere else to go. How kind.
Nathan could not have been more pissed that he had landed under the same roof as the hip hop diva chick but, since the fire may or may not have been entirely his fault, he felt he wasn’t in a great position to complain loudly.
Even though it was a little bit awkward, since he was a boy and she was a girl, Nathan and the hip-hop chick, who was called Roxy (by some crazy coincidence) were sharing a bedroom. Roxy’s parents had generously offered up the space to Nath’ since he was the only next door neighbour small enough to comfortably share a room- the others were on futons and fold-out couches throughout the house’s multiple living areas.
The hardest time of day during those weeks of shared-living space was jam time. Roxy warmed up with a little beat-boxing “bmph, chic, bmph, bmph, bmph, chic” and Nathan tuned his guitar “wa- weeee-wa-wa”. And then they battled. They fought for sound bites and air time, each frustrated and feeling stifled within their most cherished outlet and method of communication.
Roxy rapped:
Step back from me cousin
Coz I’m ready to snap
Got me wannin’ got me comin’
I’mma rip you a new
Acid rain falls heavy from my eyes
Dark clouds hanging heavy in the darkest disguise
Step back from me cousin
Coz I’m ready to snap!
And Nathan rocked:
Rock OFF would ya sister
You don’t know my pain
Rock OFF from me sister
I’m ahead of the game
And you won’t know and you won’t see when I’m coming at you
Like a steam train engine you will see where I came
You won’t know and you won’t see when I’m coming at you
But my steel steam engine’s gonna cause you Pa-a-ain
Finding their lyrical banter amusing, one of Nathan’s oversized younger brothers captured a few of these battles on video and posted them on YouTube. Before you could say “overnight stardom” Nathan and Roxy were at 1 million downloads and growing. They were a sensation, a hit, an instantaneous-accidental-international treasure. They were pioneers of the new genre “Rock-Hop.”
Nath’ and Roxy toured for the next 20 years with a DJ and a four piece rock band. Never short of new material their concerts sold out and their back pockets bulged with bank notes.
Their most loved ballad “Still Hatin’ on You” stayed at the number one spot on the U.S. charts for 20 weeks straight and Rolling Stone magazine had them on the cover five times.
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